Imagine it's the first conversation you're having with someone you
would like to have on your side. These small steps in how you talk to,
and listen to them will make a huge difference...
1. Listen well and pay full attention.
By paying attention to them they immediately feel valued and
important. This is critical in them believing that you are worth the
time and effort. It's also a matter of courtesy. When someone else is
speaking it's the right thing to do to, listen patiently and being
interested.
2. You are more interested in other people than yourself.
It's almost impossible to do completely and if you do it well, showing
that it's how you are, you will make people like you more. And in the
big picture, seeing this as a way of looking after your own interests
is far wiser than short term actions.
3. You keep promises and do what you say you will.
By always being upfront with what you say you will do - and then
delivering, you will be much more attractive to most people.
'Dependable', 'reliable' and 'committed', will be words to describe
how others see you and the way you are.
4. You are a great friend when others are in need.
Whilst this needs some care (or you spend you life sorting out
everyone else's problems), being there for others is a great asset to
have. Their needs are often to be listened to and therefore they need
someone to talk to. If you are good at this, and help them find
solutions to their own problems (not you finding solutions for them
all the time), they will thank you and value you.
5. You share resources and put the people you know in touch with each
other.
Where you can be a resource for each other, then the network builds
into a shared support and resource group. I can't think of the number
of times I have been able to help someone with something that I know
and can share. And I know I can now call on others to help me too!
6.You aren't judgemental, but very objective (fact-based) when dealing
with others.
It's way easier to help others if you stick to fact, rather than
supposition, assumptions, judgement and opinion. Hey, there's nothing
wrong with any of these - in fact we all use them all the time to live
our lives. It's just when you apply it to someone else directly, that
you can find they resent it and the relationship falters.
7. You talk less than you listen (see a pattern here!).
This is an old and very wise concept. You have two ears and one mouth,
when you want the best from a relationship for you, then use them in
that proportion. You will struggle to build a business or career
relationship (or any other for that matter), when you keep yourself
center stage. People want to be heard and they are prepared to give a
lot to have someone hear them. That's your role!
8. You make time for others when you say you will.
There ain't nothing worse than people who say they will be there and
then they aren't - or they cancel last minute. If you say you are
going to do something; meet someone; reply to something, then do it.
As you get better at recognising those times when you miss out, you'll
see the steps you need to take to avoid a recurrence. That learning
will shape how well you deliver.
9. You say 'yes' when you can. And 'no' when you can't.
Sometimes when we are trying to make relationships work, we agree to
things which make us uncomfortable; or we know we are going to
struggle with; or we regret. In these cases it might have been better
to decline in the first place. Saying 'no' is sometimes much better
than 'yes'. Conversely, when someone offers to help out, or do
something for you, be prepared to say 'yes' to them sometimes. It
really builds the relationship, even though you might not have needed
their help!
10. You are encouraging, enthusiastic, supportive and challenging with
those you know.
Being a good friend or colleague used to be enough. In the fast-paced
changing world we work in it's time to raise the stakes. Friends are
sometimes too generous; kind even. And this means they won't call the
shots when they need to. Really good friends need to make sure they
are that and the trusting relationship they have with others is strong
enough for them to be honest and true. You need to be able to
encourage, enthuse about, support and challenge each when your partner
needs it.
Using these 10 skills when networking and even just conversing with
anyone will make them like you and that makes your job of building
your network that much easier.
© 2007 "How To Land Your Dream Job".
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